Introducing Me

Still a song's title, from a terrible narm-filled movie with a downer ending, song's kind of amusing though, and a perfect title for this post.

Elle...Elizabeth mentioned back in the post she made along with this blog that there's a lot I haven't told you. Well, that's true, you guys know, like nothing about me so here we go rapid-style. I like bad movies and good movies for completely opposite reasons. I'm 19 and my birthday's so late in the year I might not live to see my 20th, and yes this scares me, and made me cry. I've never killed anyone before this madness came to my doorstep, but I've come close, I used to have a nasty temper. I had quite a few friends in high school but I'm out of contact with them now, they're the ones who taught me martial arts, how to fight with a knife, and such. I've been doing the climbing and parkour since I was about 9. I've never had a bad experience in the woods, got lost a lot, but was never attacked and was never lost for more than a few hours. I'm pretty shy and quiet in person. Never been officially diagnosed with anything, doesn't mean I'm not insane in some way, pretty much have to be to throw myself into this.

Things that scare me: Nuclear war, Mutual Assured Destruction...comforting. Hard to think of anything after that, I guess seeing someone ripped apart in front of me would be pretty scary, but it'd probably just make me mad. Being buried alive, there's a certain scene in Kill Bill and two episode of CSI that kill me every time. Used to be scared of burning alive...'till last night, kinda had to face my fear right there and then. it, I am scared of it, I'm scared of the possibility that there's more than one of it, I'm scared that I've drawn the ire of the 'internet' it and may draw the 'Canadian' one towards me as well, assuming they are separate and not just cosmetic differences. Regardless of that fear though I'm going to continue on this path I've chosen.

The titles were nothing but a way to show I was an ally to the Fighters, then an affirmation of self, but it seems they're dropping out of use, just as well, what's in a name? That there's been so many Elizabeth's or Jeff's involved isn't surprising they're common names. Still going to refer to Nightcrawler's group as the Templars though, more as a backhanded insult then anything else. it is still not going to be capitalized even when grammatically correct, if it is a monster of our collective fear than continuing to use 'it' is denying it power, and if it's not...makes me feel better.

Things have been pretty quiet lately, might see a pick up in action on Sunday.

Good Luck.

PS: I really do love the sound of violins.

No Buts!

Haven't done a proper blog sweep yet but it seems Nessa's safe with Fizz, which is awesome, but it seems Zero's doubting the validity of these attacks and our survival. Well Zero if you're reading this I'll be honest: every goddamn day when I was separated from all this, by not being attacked, by country boundaries, trying to stay upbeat and helpful, even refining my poor social skills to better facilitate that. Perfecting filtering my thoughts into a more 'stable' looking form. All while fearing I'd be blown off or unable to help anyone, goddamn it, I'm a nothing in a nothing offshoot of a nothing town I have all of two one friend 'cause I'm so strange. I used to stay up all night shivering in fear that everything was for nothing and almost gave up, almost walked away so many goddamn times, it sure would've been better for my mental health.

Now though? Now I can proudly say I'm fighting along with everyone else, its my pride and my strength, I'm not afraid because if its paying attention to me with everyone else I'm a threat, that fear of being unable to save anyone is gone. That desire to save others is what pushes me to do what I do, yes even the killing, even that will weigh down my soul one day, when this is over and I'll question whether I could have saved them, but right now, every one I fell is one more that won't touch anyone else. It can only threaten my own life at this point, if I go down it won't be with fear but with pride that I've thinned its ranks, and made it play the defense for once.

I was attacked last night, big time, I'll check on everyone else's condition before posting about it, 9:48 here.

"Shout out! Now, there is no other path to advance down
Your chest is unreliable, so strike out with your heart
Misfortune made you realize happiness
If you overcome it you'll see happiness
So go right away
No Buts!"