Sunday, November 28, 2010

Nemureru Hoshi No Aoi Suna

Fuck, don't know why I'm bothering to post, just...makes me feel better, better than a comment somewhere to spill, without the need to be concise or, eloquent. Fizz is...dead probably, one of the ones I could relate to pretty easily, made it easier some ways 'it's not just me, someone else can separate themselves from that fear of killing someone'. She didn't commit suicide 'cause of the weight of the normal Husks, no, she went and fell in love, with some girl she didn't really meet, tried to save her, and...fuck, just, just read it yourself. Wish something would show up tonight, want to make something hurt, 'cause I'm dumb 'cause I've fallen in love to, with humanity and every person fighting in their own way, either just living or trying to fight. Haven't met 'em want to save 'em, driven near to tears 'cause we lost two, forever, hope they have peace now.

Damn, that sounds cliche, and stupid, and maybe I like the thought of saving people too much, am too ready to throw away others, and my own life for the 'cause'. I thought about posting on Robert's blog try and ask him who he was supposed to fight 'till the end, but I've thought better of it. We don't need Robert, or sages, or titles, we're humans we'll beat it, however we beat it, be it through words, violence, or whatever comes up in the future. So there's no reason to make him remember to make him walk this path again, besides he'd probably just walk the same path again, with the same result "the definition of insanity is repeating the same conditions and expecting a different result".

Had a thought, what if they get into Isabel's account somehow, burn her blog just for measure, or whatever?

She was a survivalist, had a thing for the paranormal, thought zombies were going to get her, and made sure she'd survive such a thing. She had a family, a few with similar thoughts, same survivalist mindset if not quite the same. She had friends, good friends who'd weather an attack with her, make grocery and ammo runs. She ran on bravado for much of her life, pretending she wasn't scared 'cause that was an easier coping method. When she finally found her real courage, the ability to admit fear but advance anyway, it was cause of that girl she never really met. Tragedy brought her true strength and now its tragedy that's ruined it all. She wasn't weak, wasn't a coward, tried her best to help everyone, just reaching out in some cases, trying to keep spirits high. She was a great girl and she went out on her own terms, as did Nessa in the end. Didn't know Nessa to well but she left us a great mantra, and it seems to piss of the Husks, always a fun bonus, don't care how narmy it is. Just realized this is a eulogy...wanted it to be a reminder that she existed something real myself to grip onto in those times of doubting, but its fitting I guess. I wish them both the best in heaven or in their next life, or a peaceful respite in darkness.

If her friends can get onto her blog, and see this, write something better for her, deeper more personal. Just needed to write everything out...and looking at I can't bring myself to delete it's going up in all its imperfect shallow glory. Want to cry, want to hurt something, want to sing something fast, something slow, something happy, something sad, something silly. Don't know want I want right now, but I'm not giving up, in any form.

To anyone else who might read this: remember, lots of people love you, no matter the tragedy, try and live for their sake.

"The rain sings out
The light sings out
to the unfair star...
...The slumbering star is beautiful"

Good Luck

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Introducing Me

Still a song's title, from a terrible narm-filled movie with a downer ending, song's kind of amusing though, and a perfect title for this post.

Elle...Elizabeth mentioned back in the post she made along with this blog that there's a lot I haven't told you. Well, that's true, you guys know, like nothing about me so here we go rapid-style. I like bad movies and good movies for completely opposite reasons. I'm 19 and my birthday's so late in the year I might not live to see my 20th, and yes this scares me, and made me cry. I've never killed anyone before this madness came to my doorstep, but I've come close, I used to have a nasty temper. I had quite a few friends in high school but I'm out of contact with them now, they're the ones who taught me martial arts, how to fight with a knife, and such. I've been doing the climbing and parkour since I was about 9. I've never had a bad experience in the woods, got lost a lot, but was never attacked and was never lost for more than a few hours. I'm pretty shy and quiet in person. Never been officially diagnosed with anything, doesn't mean I'm not insane in some way, pretty much have to be to throw myself into this.

Things that scare me: Nuclear war, Mutual Assured Destruction...comforting. Hard to think of anything after that, I guess seeing someone ripped apart in front of me would be pretty scary, but it'd probably just make me mad. Being buried alive, there's a certain scene in Kill Bill and two episode of CSI that kill me every time. Used to be scared of burning alive...'till last night, kinda had to face my fear right there and then. it, I am scared of it, I'm scared of the possibility that there's more than one of it, I'm scared that I've drawn the ire of the 'internet' it and may draw the 'Canadian' one towards me as well, assuming they are separate and not just cosmetic differences. Regardless of that fear though I'm going to continue on this path I've chosen.

The titles were nothing but a way to show I was an ally to the Fighters, then an affirmation of self, but it seems they're dropping out of use, just as well, what's in a name? That there's been so many Elizabeth's or Jeff's involved isn't surprising they're common names. Still going to refer to Nightcrawler's group as the Templars though, more as a backhanded insult then anything else. it is still not going to be capitalized even when grammatically correct, if it is a monster of our collective fear than continuing to use 'it' is denying it power, and if it's not...makes me feel better.

Things have been pretty quiet lately, might see a pick up in action on Sunday.

Good Luck.

PS: I really do love the sound of violins.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Level 5 Judgelight

Rock quarries are awesome. When they're not in use they're usually deserted making them a good place to party, or whatever. Usually they're sealed off, but not for the one near my house, which I use both as a place to practice free running/parkour and rock climbing. Since roots would interfere the surrounding forest was trimmed, an open field fraught with dangers, that I know like the back of my hand, and thats where I was after I ate a large supper. In theory I was trying to give myself as much energy as possible, but I may have just seriously thought I was going to die, and wanted a big final meal. There are two major sites separated by a bottleneck path. I didn't go unprepared I had rigged the place as best I could and brought every weapon I had, no fancy guns or claymores(how did illusions set off mines anyway?), did have the shotgun, hunting knife, combat knife, another knife I bought on impulse 'cause it looked cool, 7 inches though so it came in handy, a self-made bo staff, a metal baseball bat, and some darts. With the exception of the combat knife, and the darts I borrowed, I had all of these before I read about it, I'm not a crazy survivalist, just have a thing for weapons.

Wasn't wearing 'proper' winter clothes instead I tripled up on everything but socks. Baggy easy to remove outermost layer, that disguised where my limbs were, the other two layers were closer fitting. Darts were in a belt pack, and had the hunting and combat knives were with me to. Bo was placed somewhere so when I took it 'd cause a landslide dropping pursers down a not insignificant distance. Shotgun was hidden in a shed with only one easily missable entrance longest knife was there to, bat was hidden in one of the piles of rocks, only hidden weapon in site 1. Didn't bring a watch, but when the Husks showed up they showed up in force.

Didn't have time to count, I was on the run immediately, scrambling up sides as fast I could, reached the top first, used the darts to take out their eyes or their hands as they climbed, missed a lot but still useful. Kept running when they got too close, heard more than a few miss jumps and drop, didn't need to look to know it was far enough to break legs if not outright kill them. One came from an unexpected angle, smarter, faster than I was used to, almost fell to my own death, ironically enough it was a root from a missed, or neglected tree that I grabbed onto, got my footing and moved back down to the base.

A few were there, got a few cuts, but the baggy clothes did their job, nothing worse than a few nicks. Made sure to avoid blunt weapons, and head wounds in particular, didn't need broken bones or have to start worrying about whether I had a concussion. Went on like this for a long while me running scrambling up and down rock piles, and apparently unclimbable walls, throwing down rocks and darts and my pursuers, taking a few out with the knives, and a few times the bat before I had to chuck it to climb up again, at the lower levels. A few scary situations when the rock piles collapsed before I expected them to, worse for the Husks since they were still climbing them, or at the bottom of them.

Site 2 was much of the same, but with more planned rockslides, more Husks falling into unseen holes, or slipping on frost-covered rock, until I was forced into the shed. I felt it first, a horrible gut-twisting sensation that set all my senses off, got blasted with white noise and I smelt something awful. Then the shed caught on fire, then I inexplicably calmed down. it was there, and it set off my fear receptors, and my animal instinct to run, but I calmed down. In retrospect my reasoning was pretty simple.'it's here, in open combat and its trying to kill me, this is what it has make it through this and I'm fine I'll be fine'. Too simple, but combat tends to simplify your thought processes. Anyway, that one opening was through an apparently locked window, no axes so they had to try to get me through the window, they broke it and tried climbing in, so obviously they weren't that smart. Figure they must have been trying to keep me pinned so the fire'd get me, had a different plan, grabbed shells in between attacks and stuffed them into the pack, darts were pretty much all gone anyway.

Had to keep low, almost missed my chance, the shed was placed on a steel platform because the ground beneath it was gouged out, so there was one side they couldn't possibly be surrounding. Wall made of wood had been weakened, shot the damn thing right out and made an obvious break for the bottleneck path back to site 1. Was lightly burned from convection, ditched the baggy clothes and put 'em between me and the steel floor, they were burning by the time I got out, trapped animals make mistakes. The faster ones followed, saw me chuck the shotgun to the top and got cocky, scaled up and got the bo, too close for them to avoid, down they went, good thing I wasn't trapped.

Got the shotgun and made the real break, and there it was tentacles out, just standing there being scary, daring me to try and get past it, three knives a bo staff and a shotgun. The only ones left were the smart and agile making it up the cliff with not quite my speed but too fast, might have been able to hold them, but not with it standing there a silent unending pressure on my back. Fear bubbled up as I realized I didn't want to die, not now when I still didn't know so many people's fates and as the fear almost took over a survival instinct took over. A focusing method, singing, used it to push away fear when I was younger, or anxiety before doing something in front of an audience. So I walked past it quietly singing  focusing on the words and the tune and the melody and hitting the notes. Don't know why it didn't attack, maybe it still can't go after someone that directly when they're not afraid? Not going to assume it was the song itself, or that it was something special about me, just a moment of insanity that happened to work, hell maybe it was just surprised someone would actually just walk by it, or maybe it was just an illusion meant to make me turn back.

Doesn't matter, made it. Attack stopped, had a long walk back, grabbed anything that was on the ground. Bodies were there, checked back in the morning, gone but there were some bloodstains. Had someone house-sitting, told em not to let anyone in except me, they said they had a quiet night, but the bloodstains on the snow says otherwise. They didn't ask why I was bruised, dirty, burned, bleeding, and carrying an armory, but did insist I have a cold bath. They invited themselves over for the night, but have since left, not knowing anything, and hopefully not involved in this in any way, will be keeping my eyes on them.

Seems things went pretty well for everyone else last night as well, so much for destroying the Fighters last night. Hope Will makes it to Fizz, and that everyone can get some rest tonight, but I'm not banking on it.

Good luck everyone.

No Buts!

Haven't done a proper blog sweep yet but it seems Nessa's safe with Fizz, which is awesome, but it seems Zero's doubting the validity of these attacks and our survival. Well Zero if you're reading this I'll be honest: every goddamn day when I was separated from all this, by not being attacked, by country boundaries, trying to stay upbeat and helpful, even refining my poor social skills to better facilitate that. Perfecting filtering my thoughts into a more 'stable' looking form. All while fearing I'd be blown off or unable to help anyone, goddamn it, I'm a nothing in a nothing offshoot of a nothing town I have all of two one friend 'cause I'm so strange. I used to stay up all night shivering in fear that everything was for nothing and almost gave up, almost walked away so many goddamn times, it sure would've been better for my mental health.

Now though? Now I can proudly say I'm fighting along with everyone else, its my pride and my strength, I'm not afraid because if its paying attention to me with everyone else I'm a threat, that fear of being unable to save anyone is gone. That desire to save others is what pushes me to do what I do, yes even the killing, even that will weigh down my soul one day, when this is over and I'll question whether I could have saved them, but right now, every one I fell is one more that won't touch anyone else. It can only threaten my own life at this point, if I go down it won't be with fear but with pride that I've thinned its ranks, and made it play the defense for once.

I was attacked last night, big time, I'll check on everyone else's condition before posting about it, 9:48 here.

"Shout out! Now, there is no other path to advance down
Your chest is unreliable, so strike out with your heart
Misfortune made you realize happiness
If you overcome it you'll see happiness
So go right away
No Buts!"

Thursday, November 25, 2010


Love, Light, Life.

I actually yelled that last night when I sent the bastards running. I sadly can't say I was as awesome as Fizzbomb but I did get some guests last night, though even if they'd shown up today I still wouldn't invite them in for turkey that date has already passed here. Twelve Husks showed up I got 41.667%(or 5) of them directly 3 with the combat knife before I got tackled down by one.

Don't know what it planned to do, don't care, important part is I live near woods, it was a source of much paranoia since reading about it, but much fun in my younger days. Also, it means hunting tools are constantly available to me such as easily concealed hunting knives for stabbing things which tackle you to the ground, wish it hadn't been wearing a mask would've loved to see its, that's the adrenalin talking, it's good they wear masks makes it easier to remind self they're not humans. Anyway, kicked that one off me and made a beat for the house before they could swarm, they tried but I had one more surprise: a shotgun. First one in got blasted at near point-blank, didn't set my shoulder right, almost broke it, had to drop both knives, had to use shotgun as a club for the next one in. They backed off after that, tried to take the back door, heard the long-since broken stairs slip from under one of them, heard a crack probably hit the cement block at the bottom of them. They didn't try that again.

Glad the neighbors work late, don't have to see this madness, they left shortly after, them 5 Husks shorter and at least two of them have a concussion if they're not bleeding internally, and me bruised, sick and nicked from a few knives, but still okay. Don't know if it's a side-effect of being Husks or it just has no experienced weapon-wielders to spare on me way out here, but the Husks sure suck in direct conflict. I know where I'm going to weather the assault tonight, no web access out there, but no woods either. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, well you know what happened, but I can assure you I won't be going gentle.

Good luck tonight everyone.

PS: the bodies were burned in a pit with some old wood, didn't look at the faces didn't have the guts.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Flowering Night

November 23rd geez what a night. A massive coordinated attack on the solstice goers, and probably a lot more people we haven't even heard of, or couldn't get to a computer. Nessa(Hearld) was attacked by a large group her fate is unknown, I'm optimistic until we have some confirmation one way or the other.  Zero(Sage) was attacked/warned/terrorized by Rika and then more of the Husks arrived, apparently something happened during a time that he can not remember, but as he did no harm to himself and he was mad, existing for the fight, well there may be something to that substance on his blade. Amelia(Sage), Will of Paranormal Log, and myself were also attacked.

I won't bore you with the details of the attack just that there were 6 of them and years of being bullied and learning how to take a punch and limit how many people can get at you at once has finally come to practical use. On the plus side of things, it attacked so many in one go, and it took at most one, one who can still be saved if Robert(Guardian) is to be believed, I got a combat knife, Will did something that drove it back and as stated Zero(Sage) may well have just hurt it.

So, a massive attack against several 'isolated' opponent's and it still couldn't topple the Fighters, I'd say we have a good chance of winning yet, maybe not soon but we will win. In our Darkest Hour we stood strong and fought it back together, a proper Crowning Moment Of Awesome for our side.

Edit: I've taken a step back and looked at the larger picture, not really a Crowning Moment but I'm not willing to take back the statement wholly either, that night was hell but we're mostly still standing. Fizzbomb is on the offensive trying to find Nessa(Herald) and I can only wish her the best of luck.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Snow Rain

Snowdrops. Despite their drooping bulbs they symbolize hope, its not hard to understand they're Winter blooms through the white blanket of death they thrive. I think its a far better background than that dull black.

Not much to say, just making it clear that I'm here. Still depressed and feel like kicking myself, but that'll pass eventually. I'm sick after running around for 4 hours in the cold and snow, little sleep did me no favors. Didn't catch her don't know how she knew I was coming either. Judging by her post I'm putting money on 'Agent' rather than 'Husk', for now anyway.

Got the laptop, haven't looked at it yet, stashed it outside the house, nearby.

It's not been a good few days, not broken though, this is trivial compared to the shit the rest of the Fighters have put up with.

Good luck.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Regret Message

He finally crashed~, really I used to tell him to take better care of himself 36 hour days running around like a Fool trying to save everyone. Not my problem anymore though~.

Hello everyone its the dear 'sincerely' here! Since things are getting a little 'personal' for him now its only appropriate he got a blog, yeah? Something you should know about me my 'weird sense of humor', or whatever, is nothing more than his misconception.  I think it started when we were talking about the ending to that show everyone was joined as one, it was a truly happy ending. When he heard that was my thought he laughed and said something I don't quite remember, since then he's misread me every step of the way, and he interested me. Even now hes called my house 4 times and my cell 3 times, so I threw it at a tree.

There's so much hes not telling you all, of course I won't be telling you either~.

For the record there is no regret here, no I'll save all the guilt for him, it is such a fitting mask for dear sweet Jeff. There is however a confession: I hate humanity. All the time on the news, and stories, and in every day life, a difference in opinion or a misunderstanding causes bloodshed. Its always so sickening to watch 'humanity' running around in a chaotic dance.

Without understanding this he told me of the Slender Man-though he never used the name, no always that blasphemousness lower 'it' as if he could lessen His standing with his pathetic words-and, perhaps without realizing, exposed me to his own theory of His 'hallowing' of people: 'a greater collective'.

Yes, that is the perfect solution one grander being to take us into Himself and make all as one. The end of conflict; all that needs to be done is remove the continuing nuisances, the lessers who think they can fight the pinnacle of all: the One, its pointless, pointless, pointless, pointless, pointless, your fight is pointless!

Humanity will never reach a single peace, what they desire is conflict and fear, no matter how much you all wish it humanity will never come to together and make a push for peace because they are beasts who can not, and will not understand others, and only think of themselves even the delusion of love is nothing but an attempt to pass on their genes. For proof of this look no further than Nightcrawler, regardless of having ways to 'blind' Him rather than moving forward to think of ways to beat Him, they focused on the 'elimination' of the problem through sheer violence rather than thought. 'Humanity' is a voracious beast that will devour, and devour, and devour, He is the necessary counter of nature. He is greater than that I am greater than that now when He appeared before me I willingly walked into His arms, because I understood, oh yes, I understood he could come here but dear sweet naive Fool simply wouldn't bend to him, he's sure of his identity and holds to his belief that its through separate thought processes that humanity gain strength and overcomes trials, he is wrong and He will prove it when he breaks you Fools down one by one and you realize the greatness of One.

There is no message here, no hidden secret to find, simply my truth condensed, if I seem more lucid than I should...would it amuse you to know its been 4 hours since I started this post, its hard to communicate on your lesser level, and my hands keep rebelling trying to create messages and hide truths for you to find, when there is none, I am only complete now, as you will be.

Now then as you were so nice to leave me your password dead Fool 'tsumi ni kizuku no wa itsumo' I'll leave two things for you first: this laptop your old one kept crashing 'cause something happened to it, right, you should thank me~. Second: I've changed your password, it seemed fair since I just gave it away, here's your hint: ''hanin wa dare, kimi wa shitteru ne kimi wa  me no mae wo subete no dakara".

Hes coming for me, He didn't crash, it was a trap, hufufufu~ always forgot Hes quite smart, probably has all the hotspots memorized. Well then bye everyone maybe I'll be seeing some of you~!

The One