Fuck, don't know why I'm bothering to post, just...makes me feel better, better than a comment somewhere to spill, without the need to be concise or, eloquent. Fizz is...dead probably, one of the ones I could relate to pretty easily, made it easier some ways 'it's not just me, someone else can separate themselves from that fear of killing someone'. She didn't commit suicide 'cause of the weight of the normal Husks, no, she went and fell in love, with some girl she didn't really meet, tried to save her, and...fuck, just, just read it yourself. Wish something would show up tonight, want to make something hurt, 'cause I'm dumb 'cause I've fallen in love to, with humanity and every person fighting in their own way, either just living or trying to fight. Haven't met 'em want to save 'em, driven near to tears 'cause we lost two, forever, hope they have peace now.
Damn, that sounds cliche, and stupid, and maybe I like the thought of saving people too much, am too ready to throw away others, and my own life for the 'cause'. I thought about posting on Robert's blog try and ask him who he was supposed to fight 'till the end, but I've thought better of it. We don't need Robert, or sages, or titles, we're humans we'll beat it, however we beat it, be it through words, violence, or whatever comes up in the future. So there's no reason to make him remember to make him walk this path again, besides he'd probably just walk the same path again, with the same result "the definition of insanity is repeating the same conditions and expecting a different result".
Had a thought, what if they get into Isabel's account somehow, burn her blog just for measure, or whatever?
She was a survivalist, had a thing for the paranormal, thought zombies were going to get her, and made sure she'd survive such a thing. She had a family, a few with similar thoughts, same survivalist mindset if not quite the same. She had friends, good friends who'd weather an attack with her, make grocery and ammo runs. She ran on bravado for much of her life, pretending she wasn't scared 'cause that was an easier coping method. When she finally found her real courage, the ability to admit fear but advance anyway, it was cause of that girl she never really met. Tragedy brought her true strength and now its tragedy that's ruined it all. She wasn't weak, wasn't a coward, tried her best to help everyone, just reaching out in some cases, trying to keep spirits high. She was a great girl and she went out on her own terms, as did Nessa in the end. Didn't know Nessa to well but she left us a great mantra, and it seems to piss of the Husks, always a fun bonus, don't care how narmy it is. Just realized this is a eulogy...wanted it to be a reminder that she existed something real myself to grip onto in those times of doubting, but its fitting I guess. I wish them both the best in heaven or in their next life, or a peaceful respite in darkness.
If her friends can get onto her blog, and see this, write something better for her, deeper more personal. Just needed to write everything out...and looking at I can't bring myself to delete it...so it's going up in all its imperfect shallow glory. Want to cry, want to hurt something, want to sing something fast, something slow, something happy, something sad, something silly. Don't know want I want right now, but I'm not giving up, in any form.
To anyone else who might read this: remember, lots of people love you, no matter the tragedy, try and live for their sake.
"The rain sings out
The light sings out
to the unfair star...
...The slumbering star is beautiful"